Disappointment

Have you ever had something that you were looking forward to doing and it got cancelled? A meeting with friends, a vacation, a party, or even a meditation group session? Did you notice your emotional reaction when you got the news? Or when you kept trying to log on to the meeting and got an error message each time? Perhaps you were angry, frustrated, disappointed, sad, or even relieved or happy because you had other work that needed to be finished and you could use the extra time?

This is the time for our off-the-cushion practice! The mindful awareness we develop on the cushion, combined with the intention to be mindful during our day, enables us to see what events trigger a reaction in the mind. Each situation that arises generates a feeling tone along with our thoughts, either pleasant (I like this and I want to hang on to this feeling), unpleasant (I don’t like this and I want the feeling to go away), or neutral (I don’t really care what happens in this situation).

If you are able to notice the arising of the feelings as they are happening, or shortly after you are into the feeling, then you realize that you are not identified with the feeling. You are not caught in the storyline and you have the choice not to ‘feed’ the storyline with your mental energy. You realize that you don’t have to identify as simply an angry person, a frustrated person, or a disappointed person, but you are just experiencing a momentary feeling of anger, frustration, or disappointment, and you know that this emotion will fade away and dissolve at some point.

These feelings are always changing. They never last and have no permanence that we need to hold onto. We can just be aware of the arising of a feeling, noting that this is what it is like to experience ‘frustrating feeling’, for example, and then be aware of the passing away of that feeling, probably to be replaced with another feeling, either related, or completely unrelated, to the one you just had.

And the process continues…..

Can we be mindful of every thought and feeling as they arise? Probably not. However, each time we are able to bring mindful awareness to a feeling that is arising, the feeling loses its power to grip the mind, reducing the tendency to get ‘caught’ in the emotion. We recognize the passing nature of thoughts and feelings. This gives us the freedom to react in new ways of our choosing, rather than continue to respond to situations with our old habitual patterns. Each time we can notice the arising of an emotion is a moment of mindful awakening.

This is the beginning of freedom from the roller coaster ride of emotions that is our life right now. This is the practice that will bring the ability to rest in equanimity with all that arises and reduce our suffering. This is why we practice.

So, the next time you feel angry or frustrated with a situation, notice where the feeling is in your body. Notice the quality of the feelings.

Notice what thoughts the feeling is triggering in the mind. Notice how your whole world looks when you are caught in this feeling.

Recall that all of us experience this same feeling at some time. You are not alone in this feeling.

Bring your benefactors or a caring moment to mind and rest in the qualities of loving care, compassion, support for yourself, just as you are.

Let any relief you feel, any love or compassion that arises, be shared with all those who are experiencing the same feeling.

Then drop the visualizations and rest in that open space of awareness and compassion.

And the process continues…