Forgiveness – Maturation

As we continue to explore the idea and practice of forgiveness, we often become confused. This may be due to the old teaching, where we were admonished to “Forgive and forget.” However, forgiveness and forgetting are not the same and they rarely occur together. If we think we have practiced, “forgive and forget,” we may actually be suppressing a wrong done to us with a type of forced forgetting. If we push negative experiences out of our mind, that doesn’t mean they are gone, or even really forgotten, just suppressed. Forgiveness has never even entered the picture yet.

So, why would we want to consider Forgiveness as a practice?

Doug Kraft, on his website easingawake.com has this short explanation.

Spiritual maturation is about moving from a state of holding and grasping to a state of release and freedom. Forgiving others is a very potent practice that supports this maturation.

For example, let’s say someone insults you. It hurts. You hold this against them. If the person cares about you, your grudge may cause them pain. Both of you are in prison. You are the jailer. The key to freedom is forgiveness. You hold this key in your hands (or heart). But both of you are in prison if you don’t use that key.

On the other hand, maybe the person feels remorse, but doesn’t cling to guilt. They are sorry, but aren’t weighed down by shame. At the same time you harbor resentment. The other person is free but you’re still in prison. Or maybe they don’t know you felt insulted. Or maybe they know but don’t really care. Your bitterness may or may not confine them. But it definitely confines you. It keeps your heart dense, heavy, and enclosed.

Sometimes we don’t think we are holding grudges. We say we are just interested in justice, fairness, or accountability. “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” “She made her bed, let her lie in it.” We can come up with religious or philosophical justifications to not forgive. Our prisons become elaborate – plate glass, steel bars, electric locks, and alligators in the moat. And we are prison guards wearing clerical collars and balls and chains.

Conversely, when we forgive, we let go of these complicated thoughts and feelings. Our internal life becomes simpler and less burdened. We are liberated.