Handshake III

As you know, we are working through the 5 points of Handshake (Compassionate Presence to Feelings) practice.

Recall that the first two points were:

1. Remember Who You Are! (your innate awareness, openness, and compassion)
2. Mind Your Body (dropping the story line and being fully present with the sensations in the body)

Now we get to the heart of the practice with point three:

3. You Are Not Your Feelings, You Are Not Your Thoughts (recognizing the broader awareness that holds our feelings as part of our total experience, allowing us to be present to them without completely identifying with them)

Here are Tsoknyi Rinpoche’s words on this point.

We’ve become so used to the potency, frequency and variety of the thoughts and feelings that course through our awareness throughout the day that it’s very easy to identify with and as them. This tendency is built into our very language. “I’m angry.” “I’m afraid.” “I’m happy.” “I’m sad.”

We can bring the same kind of attention we brought to our bodies to our thoughts and feelings — gently noticing them as they arise, abide for a moment and, somewhat to our surprise perhaps, disappear. In so doing, we gently begin to recognize that our thoughts and feelings are only aspects of experience and not the totality. Our identities may be influenced by mental and emotional patterns in the subtle body, but we are not those patterns.

…As we gradually turn attention to our thoughts [and feelings], rather than being irritated, disturbed or carried away by them, we slowly find ourselves amazed by their coming and going. We begin to appreciate the entire process of thinking in and of itself.

Lama John’s comments on this practice:

Intense, stressful aspects of our daily lives trigger many difficult feelings in us. Many of us seek to avoid unpleasant feelings by trying to distract ourselves from them, or by trying to suppress them. By seeking to avoid or suppress feelings, over time, we tighten up inside, which manifests also as physical tightness. This inner stress and tightness make it difficult to open to the qualities we cultivate in all of our practices – qualities of openness, kindness, compassion, equanimity, and wisdom. Such stress and tightness also make it difficult to be present to other people in an open hearted way.

As we learn to work with our feelings as they arise, both pleasant and unpleasant, we begin to see them a just part of our wider experience of awareness. and not and expression of all of who we are in a certain moment or situation. This is a practice, that we begin in formal meditation times, can carry over into our daily life to help us deal with whatever arises in our life with equanimity.

Personally, being present to my feelings, without needing to push them away or feed them with energy from a storyline, has been one of the most powerful and helpful practices for me. It has helped me with the recognition that my feelings are impermanent and not as substantial as I used to believe.

I can now have feelings present without needing to identify with them. With that awareness, they don’t lead me into habitual patterns of reaction. This has allowed me to meet more of my experience with a sense of acceptance and equanimity and with less suffering.

That is a benefit for both myself and all those I interact with each day.