Patience Revisited

I often say that “If meditation practice isn’t helping you off the cushion (i.e. in daily life), then you are wasting your time on the cushion (i.e. meditating).” And often the things we utter so glibly, in a moment of assumed clarity, come back to bite us in the… well, to help us become more aware of our habitual patterns and offer us the opportunity to take these moments into our practice. In this case, the practice of Patience.

I recently had a medical appointment with an eye specialist in Boston. It was a 90-minute commute into the city, parking in a garage that was too far away from the building I had to go to, and a long walk down a typically cold wind tunnel between city buildings. I arrived just on time at 10:15. We (my wife accompanied me for moral support and to engage in her own version of Patience practice) waited the typical 30 minutes before we were called into the first of five offices I had to visit for different tests and evaluations, all with some waiting time between each test. The longest time was before my final meeting with the doctor for the results and recommendations.

While I waited that last 45 minutes before we got in to see the doctor, I heard a very loud conversation coming from down the hall. Well, actually I heard only one side of the conversation. A woman who said she had been coming to this medical group for over 30 years was complaining about the wait time she had to endure. She said that she understood that there are Covid requirements of sanitizing after each patient and that it was explained to her that they were in a short staff situation due to isolation protocols for Covid exposure. However, even with that understanding, 90 minutes of waiting was unacceptable from the standpoint of a patient.

Then I reflected on the 9 or 10 people I interacted with during my visit. They were all very diligent, well trained and seemed dedicated to giving me the best treatment they could. But they were very short staffed and so there were longer than usual delays. I tried to imagine how they felt after a full day of working to their maximum ability and still not being able to deliver the same level of service they had provided for the last 30 years. This must be a difficult time for them as well. And, to have patients loudly berate you for something that is totally out of your control must have added to their frustration and fatigue.

I finished my appointment after 2:15 pm, after 4 hours in the office, and began the 90 minute journey home. I literally did nothing all day except drive, look into optical machines for brief periods, and sit waiting for the next test or review. But it seemed like a very long day, and I was exhausted when I got home! I reflected on the Patience practice I was able to do during the day; waiting quietly, sometimes meditating, thanking those who worked with me, and appreciating the expertise that was available to help me with my problem.

Patience has the quality of tolerance, welcoming, and allowing. It accepts whatever arises with openness and compassion. The patient mind does not look to push away or distract ourselves from our current experience, nor does it look to get a different experience than what we are having now. The ability to maintain our composure, calmness, and equanimity in any situation leads to peace and inner tranquility. And, we begin to recognize each difficult experience to be a bridge of empathy to many others with similar difficulties.

So, I ask each of you, as one of your intentions, to do your best to be patient with all the service providers you encounter: at the grocery store, the mall, the doctor’s office, the DMV, or on the phone with the electric or gas provider, your phone or internet provider, your HVAC service company, or maybe your insurance company, etc. They are, for the most, part trying to do the best they can under the current circumstances. Patience with the process will help you to be less agitated and help them to have a better day. Remember to thank them when you are done.

From Mr. Rogers:

All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we’re giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That’s one of the things that connects us as neighbors—in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver.