Resist Nothing, Hold Nothing

We have spent our lives developing a strong (more or less) sense of self, and in the process, ingrained habitual patterns of thinking and reacting to our world from our sense of a permanent self-essence. What if our understanding of the self is wrong. What if we could understand the self as part of a flow of experience rather than a fixed, unchangeable entity?

Here is a quote from the book Befriending the Mind, by Doug Kraft:

If there is no self-essence, then there is nothing to be protected from the impersonal flow of phenomena. And when the phenomena are lovely, there is no self to hold on to the flow.

When people first start meditating, they often do the opposite. They resist thoughts, images, memories, hindrances, distractions, irritations, and other things that impinge on what they want. At the same time, they try to hold onto ease, contentment, and other lovely phenomena. Resisting and holding create and strengthen a sense of self. When we don’t resist or hold, the mirage of selfhood dissolves back into the flow of life.

So, as we learn to meditate, when an unpleasant phenomenon seems to press in on us, we just recognize what is happening. Awareness is good and part of aliveness. We see the phenomenon without trying to control it. We let it be. We relax any tension. We smile to resonate with uplifted qualities. Rather than holding on to lovely states, we return to sending them out into the flow of life. If some deeper insight into life starts to emerge, like a shadow in the twilight, we don’t try to grab hold of it or push it away. We just let it be what it is… We let the insight come to us rather than try to grab hold of it.

This is one way to practice wisdom.

When we can relax our sense of self, we are less defensive and reactive, and more inclined to share with others. The practice we do on the cushion prepares us to accept and rest with things just as they are. The equanimity that arises is a key element in reducing our suffering.