Paramita – Patience 1

If I was an alien, who had just come to earth, and was trying to learn the English language, how would you explain the verb, to wait?

Wait a minute, don’t answer yet… Wait 60 seconds… Okay, now I will take your responses. What did you do while you were “waiting?”

In my experience, “waiting” is doing nothing, being uncomfortable doing nothing, and desiring with great anticipation for the waiting to end.

So, even though we may not be doing anything with the body, the mind is very active, actively clinging to the event that signals the end of the waiting. Then, we have entered the period of not waiting any longer and are experiencing what we have been waiting for. This is the good part, right?

Sometimes we even enjoy this period of anticipation, as the feeling of attachment to the grows and grows during the time of waiting, we get more and more excited for the desired event to come. And then it does. And then what?

This feeling of anticipation is a form of suffering. We are uncomfortable not getting what we want when we want it and so the mind begins to play out the scenarios of what might happen when the waiting ends. Usually we get both sides: it turns out wonderfully or it is a disaster. We call this waiting, but really it is just another way we suffer. Even Mr. Rogers recognized this pattern when he encouraged children to “find something to do while you are waiting.” to lead them out of the experience of discomfort and suffering.

All this anticipation of future events takes us out of our present moment experience and so we can’t be fully present to those we are with in this moment. We also tend to lean toward the negative outcomes in our mind, because we have to be ready for anything. As if worrying excessively will prepare us for any eventual outcome.

So, how is the virtue of Patience different from Waiting? In our language, we often use them in the same way: “Just be patient, I told you to wait.” But they are not the same.

First of all, Patience is practiced in the present moment with whatever arises. It is a quality of being that comes from having our heart open and being fully aware of what is arising in the mind and body. It is not focused on what might (or might not) arise in the future.

Patience has the quality of tolerance, welcoming, and allowing. It accepts whatever arises with openness and compassion. The patient mind does not look to push away or distract ourselves from our current experience, nor does it look to get a different experience than what we are having now. The ability to maintain our composure, calmness, and equanimity in any situation leads to peace and inner tranquility. And, we begin recognize each difficult experience to be a bridge of empathy to many others with similar difficulties.

And, How, you may ask, do we achieve this quality of being called Patience? Wait a minute… Wait 60 seconds, really….. How did you feel while you were waiting? Really!

Our practice of Compassionate Presence to Feelings is the essence of patience. In this practice we allow ourselves to be fully present to whatever arises from the mind, body, or emotions, accepting the experience fully, even welcoming it, whether it has a pleasant or unpleasant feeling tone.

This practice can allow the felt experience to open fully, revealing the wisdom and creative energy within the feeling. As we get more comfortable with our own feelings as they arise in our practice, we can then be more comfortable (and Patient) with whatever arises in our daily life and in our interactions with others.