Forgiveness – Inner, Outer, Secret

In Buddhism, numbered lists of concepts, teachings, and practices are used to aid in memorizing and recalling the teachings. Within each numbered concept, there is often a further breakdown of each point into outer (obvious or conventional), inner (subtle), or innermost (most subtle, or secret) levels of understanding. If I try to apply this style of refinement of the understanding and practice of Forgiveness (Unofficially, of course. Not authorized by any Buddhist teacher!) it might look something like this:

Outer, Obvious, Conventional Understanding:
This would be directly forgiving, someone who has hurt or offended you, whether intended or unintended. This could include a direct conversation where you express your willingness to forgive them, or writing a note expressing your understanding of what happened and forgiving any behavior you felt was offensive.

Inner, Subtle, Feeling Level:
Here is where we are working with our forgiveness practice. We are working with our internal patterns of anger, resentment, and grudges. We see how these arise and perpetuate our suffering around a perceived slight or offence. We generate the felt sense of forgiveness within our mind and allow that to embrace any thoughts, feelings, or tension that we have around this issue. We forgive ourselves on all levels of misunderstanding and reaction.

Innermost, Most Subtle, Secret Level:
In this level, we go even deeper to the understanding that the slight or offense that was seemingly perpetrated against us was, in fact, generated within our own mind, the result of our deep levels of patterns and conditioning. In the moment of offense, we forget that the other is just like us, and doing the best they can in that moment. We forget that our true nature of openness, wisdom, and compassion is the same true nature of the supposed offender. It is only by creating a separation between ourselves and the other that we can even accept an offense against our separate self. If we truly understand the deepest nature of the other, recognizing that we share our very being with them, we know we are connected with them on the deepest level. We would see things as they really are and accept that the situation could not have been any different at that moment. With this awareness, we can receive seemingly offensive words or actions and allow them to pass through the mind without creating a separation between ourselves and the other, without clinging to or rejecting our feelings about this issue.

As you might imagine, the last level might be the most challenging. This is why the teaching is called Secret. It may only be revealed when a practitioner has some experience with the first two levels and their understanding of the patterns in the mind is clear to them. Even if we are not able to fully operate from this most subtle level, the understanding of our responsibility in the process can soften our attitude toward others we are still holding in anger or resentment.

All of these levels of understanding and practice are, ultimately, for our own benefit, not for the other. When we relax the mind around any holding or tension, we pull back the veil to a deeper connection with our own true nature of peaceful joy and equanimity. Then we can recognize more clearly that we share this being with all others and see the love expressed in that sharing.