Forgiveness Practice

On the theme of letting go and forgiveness, here is a practice from Doug Kraft on his website, easingawake.com:

I’d like to condense all this [letting go and forgiveness] into a simple practice we can do quietly with our eyes closed or actively as we move through the day. It starts with forgiving ourselves using simple phrases.

To create these phrases consider:

1. Not fully understanding a situation is the most common source of mistakes. We act out of partial ignorance. Or we’re blinded by emotion.
2. Remorse and guilt are stronger when we harm someone or ourselves than when no harm results.
3. Our inner critic is the most unrelenting when our behavior violates our values.

These considerations lead to four forgiveness phrases:

I forgive myself for not understanding.

I forgive myself for making mistakes.

I forgive myself for hurting myself or others.

I forgive myself for not following my deepest values.

You begin by sitting quietly with closed eyes and saying your version of one of these phrases. I like to begin with: “I forgive myself for not understanding.”

Choose a phrase or two that pull you. Keep repeating it slowly until it becomes real. As you feel the forgiveness, let it radiate from your heart as a soft, kind acceptance. Let it surround you.

The mind may wander off on all kinds of errands. Often we resist forgiving ourselves. So if the mind wanders to blame or distractions, just relax and smile. Gently come back and repeat a phrase.

Depending on the situation, the mind may naturally go to the person who hurt you or made you angry or who left you. If this happens you can shift the focus to them:

I forgive you for not understanding.

I forgive you for making mistakes.

I forgive you for hurting me or others.

I forgive you for not following my deepest values.

In your mind’s eye look directly into their eyes and really forgive them. It’s best not to get involved in storylines. Just use the phrases.

Sometimes things may turn around so that you’re looking into their eyes and asking for their forgiveness:

Please forgive me for not understanding.

Please forgive me for making mistakes.

Please forgive me for hurting you.

Keep asking until you can hear them forgive you. Rest in that peace of being forgiven and accepted.